Rule 51 - Ok so Valentines Day is a made up “Hallmark holiday”, but that doesn’t mean it should be avoided.  Whether people want to admit it or not, everyone has some inner desire to be wanted or to know that someone out there cares about them as a person.  Unfortunately, when this one particular day rolls around each year not everyone out there has that someone special to show them they are loved and appreciated.  If you have someone special to shower with affection on this day you need to do it.  Don’t simply back off and claim it is nothing more than a bogus holiday.  Obviously, you should show them you care every day of the year, but follow through today by kicking it up a notch. 

Something else you should do which I feel is actually just as important (if not moreso) is to show someone that may be having a tough time today that you are thinking about them.  I’m sure we all know someone who may be taking today a little harder for a variety of reasons like recently broken up, divorced, lonely, widower, etc.  What can you do?  How about sending that person flowers, calling them to chat, or invite them out for lunch or dinner to get them out of their home and into a social setting around other people.  No one likes to feel alone and this feeling is amplified on a day like today.  Show someone you care about them…that is the path of the awesome.

Spiderman + Valentines Day Card = Awesome

Rule 47 - Guys, when you are out on a date…open all doors…yes, this means to buildings, cars, etc.  Now don’t go pushing her out of the way to do it or anything like that, but if you plan your steps correctly in advance you can casually beat her to the door without making it look obvious.  The key is here is looking natural…like this is second nature to you…cause you rock the awesome.  Even a quick “here let me” will alert to them to your door opening prowess.  Combine this action with Rule 39 on bringing flowers on your date and you will be seriously rocking the date awesomeness.  Even if you completely tard up the rest of the date, or there is simply no chemistry, she will still tell her friends how much of a door opening gentlemen you were…and who knows…you may get hooked up with a friend.   Stay awesome my friends. 

Rule 45 - Most of the time when people go grocery store shopping, they start at the first aisle and just work their way thru each aisle sequentially to the end before they checkout.  For single folks…this is not the most ideal way to maximize your grocery store shopping chance at meeting someone.  Think about it for a second…that form of movement prohibits you from coming across  anyone that enters the store after you and makes it tough to catch up to those that entered before you.  Fortunately, there is a simple navigational solution technique to help with this.  All you have to do is start with the first aisle then proceed to weave your way skipping every other aisle (ex. hitting all the odd numbered aisles).  Once you get to the end of the grocery store, proceed back to the beginning of by hitting all of the other aisles (ex. all the evens).  This way you speed yourself forward to catch persons before you and circle back seeing all the potentials who entered after you. 

Rule 42 - Farting on a date is pretty much always gonna be a big no-no, especially if you are out in public.  In certain public places if you have reached the point in your relationship where dropping the chalupa is acceptable then it can be quite funny…cause let’s face it…farts are funny stuff.  But if you have have not gotten to the dropping ass phase of your time spent together and you let one slip, then here are some options to play off the uncomfortable and embarassing situation:

1. Be proactive and ask the farter, “Maybe I should have pulled your finger first?”

2. Tell the smeller, “If we were in the bed I would totally have your head shoved under the covers right now.”

3. Butt blower states, “Damn good thing it was just air.”

4. Point at the farter telling them, “You’re freaking gross…but I like it.”

5. Tell the air attacker, “That’s not bad…judges are giving it a 6.5, but I think for sure it should have gotten an 8.”

6. Receiver of the air biscuit should try and guess what the person had for the previous meal.  Generally, a very strange and odd food combination.

7. Try and pass the blame onto an unsuspecting victim.  Pets, the elderly, and children are very easy targets for this backfire transfer.  The trick is to really sell it by saying something to the target about their nastiness. 

8. The bean bomber should immediately give the other person a high five proclaiming “that one was awesome!!!”.

9. If you are in the car, the easiest way to shift off the blowing of the butt trumpet is to just to say, “I think we just passed something dead on the road.”

10. Simply say “excuse me”…and chuckle a little…everyone thinks they are funny. 

The biggest mistake you can make is to show it bothers you and that you are embarassed.  Everyone poops…everyone farts…and everyone burps.  Try and make light of the situation and go on strolling down the path of the awesome.

Rule 39 - No matter what you have heard guys, always bring flowers on a first date.  Now I’m not talking about a freakin jungle here as there’s no need to turn her home into a botanical garden and you damn well better not bring roses.  Nothing overboard or expensive, just a small five buck or so garden bouquet from your local grocer will be fine.  Don’t forget to take the sticker off and remove the plastic wrapper nonsense too.  This will get you instant “date cred points” and put you one step ahead of the doucher she went out with that didn’t bring her any. 

Advanced awesomers only:  If you are smooth enough to pull this one off it is worth a shot for a slight modification on the above.  Pick some fresh ones from her neighbor’s yard instead of buying them (save yourself a buck or two).  Just make sure you don’t get busted in the process by the neighbor.  This does take advance prep work though cause you have to know whether or not the neighbor has any flowers. This will generally work a lot better on a future date once you scope out the scenery.  Leave a little dirt on em too.  It’s way funnier and more awesome that way.  She’ll appreciate your comedic awesome nature and it will give you a little joke to talk about when she is cooking you breakfast the next morning…or to share with peeps at the wedding. 

Rule 31 - You and some friends are putting out the vibe when in walks a hottie that you all want to go hit on.  Who gets dibs?  Easy.  Whichever of you has not had sex for the longest has priority.  Should there be more than one friend that falls within the range of the absolute value of 30 days, then the winner shall be decided by best 3 out of 5 in a game of Roshambo (Rock, Paper, Scissors).  In the unfortunate event that original winner crashes and burns in attempted pickup, then repeat all steps again with remaining contestants.