Rules of Awesomeness

Rule 45 - Most of the time when people go grocery store shopping, they start at the first aisle and just work their way thru each aisle sequentially to the end before they checkout.  For single folks…this is not the most ideal way to maximize your grocery store shopping chance at meeting someone.  Think about it for a second…that form of movement prohibits you from coming across  anyone that enters the store after you and makes it tough to catch up to those that entered before you.  Fortunately, there is a simple navigational solution technique to help with this.  All you have to do is start with the first aisle then proceed to weave your way skipping every other aisle (ex. hitting all the odd numbered aisles).  Once you get to the end of the grocery store, proceed back to the beginning of by hitting all of the other aisles (ex. all the evens).  This way you speed yourself forward to catch persons before you and circle back seeing all the potentials who entered after you. 

Rule 44 - Recycle and respect the Earth and its natural resources on both land and sea. Encourage others as well. Failure to do so only hurts us all…doucher.

guess he has a big family

Rule 43 - Make life your bitch

Rule 42 - Farting on a date is pretty much always gonna be a big no-no, especially if you are out in public.  In certain public places if you have reached the point in your relationship where dropping the chalupa is acceptable then it can be quite funny…cause let’s face it…farts are funny stuff.  But if you have have not gotten to the dropping ass phase of your time spent together and you let one slip, then here are some options to play off the uncomfortable and embarassing situation:

1. Be proactive and ask the farter, “Maybe I should have pulled your finger first?”

2. Tell the smeller, “If we were in the bed I would totally have your head shoved under the covers right now.”

3. Butt blower states, “Damn good thing it was just air.”

4. Point at the farter telling them, “You’re freaking gross…but I like it.”

5. Tell the air attacker, “That’s not bad…judges are giving it a 6.5, but I think for sure it should have gotten an 8.”

6. Receiver of the air biscuit should try and guess what the person had for the previous meal.  Generally, a very strange and odd food combination.

7. Try and pass the blame onto an unsuspecting victim.  Pets, the elderly, and children are very easy targets for this backfire transfer.  The trick is to really sell it by saying something to the target about their nastiness. 

8. The bean bomber should immediately give the other person a high five proclaiming “that one was awesome!!!”.

9. If you are in the car, the easiest way to shift off the blowing of the butt trumpet is to just to say, “I think we just passed something dead on the road.”

10. Simply say “excuse me”…and chuckle a little…everyone thinks they are funny. 

The biggest mistake you can make is to show it bothers you and that you are embarassed.  Everyone poops…everyone farts…and everyone burps.  Try and make light of the situation and go on strolling down the path of the awesome.

you gonna get that? think it's for you.

Rule 41 - Do not talk on a cell phone while in a public bathroom.  Seriously.  No one wants to listen to your nonsense and I can assure you no one on the phone would want to know where you are or what is in your hand either.  Almost daily at the office there is someone standing at a urinal or dropping a deuce chatting away on the phone.  Take what is probably a much needed personal moment to yourself free from the phone and just relax and do what you gots to do.  Besides, you don’t want to run the risk of dropping that iPhone where it doesn’t belong anyway.

Rule 40 - Find the humor in everything no matter what. Life is full of it.