Rules of Awesomeness

you gonna get that? think it's for you.

Rule 41 - Do not talk on a cell phone while in a public bathroom.  Seriously.  No one wants to listen to your nonsense and I can assure you no one on the phone would want to know where you are or what is in your hand either.  Almost daily at the office there is someone standing at a urinal or dropping a deuce chatting away on the phone.  Take what is probably a much needed personal moment to yourself free from the phone and just relax and do what you gots to do.  Besides, you don’t want to run the risk of dropping that iPhone where it doesn’t belong anyway.

This post was written by Chad Elkins.

Rule 40 - Find the humor in everything no matter what. Life is full of it.

This post was written by Chad Elkins.

Rule 39 - No matter what you have heard guys, always bring flowers on a first date.  Now I’m not talking about a freakin jungle here as there’s no need to turn her home into a botanical garden and you damn well better not bring roses.  Nothing overboard or expensive, just a small five buck or so garden bouquet from your local grocer will be fine.  Don’t forget to take the sticker off and remove the plastic wrapper nonsense too.  This will get you instant “date cred points” and put you one step ahead of the doucher she went out with that didn’t bring her any. 

Advanced awesomers only:  If you are smooth enough to pull this one off it is worth a shot for a slight modification on the above.  Pick some fresh ones from her neighbor’s yard instead of buying them (save yourself a buck or two).  Just make sure you don’t get busted in the process by the neighbor.  This does take advance prep work though cause you have to know whether or not the neighbor has any flowers. This will generally work a lot better on a future date once you scope out the scenery.  Leave a little dirt on em too.  It’s way funnier and more awesome that way.  She’ll appreciate your comedic awesome nature and it will give you a little joke to talk about when she is cooking you breakfast the next morning…or to share with peeps at the wedding. 

This post was written by Chad Elkins.

Rule 38 - Everyone needs to know at least two jokes; one clean and one dirty.  Trust me.  You will eventually need to use one or both of them at some point.  When will you need this?  Could be at a job interview or maybe out at a bar while hitting on a chick.  Don’t be the lamewad that when asked if they know a good joke says they don’t know any.  There’s just no excuse for that.

Rule 37 - At least once in your life go to the movie theater and pay for one movie…watch it…then sneak into a second film for free.  This takes some minor pre-planning if you want to see the entire second film as you have to time the double feature pairing in order to not miss any or have to wait around for too long for it to start.  Why do this?  For some people this is really operating outside their comfort zone.  Regardless of the number of times you have done it, the heart starts to pick up a few beats when the thrill kicks in.  It’s a great way to “live on the edge” and not hurt anyone.

Helpful tips:  purchase a large fountain drink then get it refilled for the second film.  This will give the illusion that you just purchased it as you casually stroll into your next movie.   Also, generally new releases show at larger theaters every half hour or so for the first week or two.  Use one of these movies as your second film as it will help lining up the times a little bit easier. 

double your feature...double your fun

Rule 36 - If you don’t think you are awesome, then no one will.  Some people may see this as arrogance, cockiness, or narcissisitc behavior.  Screw em.  Just make sure to not go over the top and be a doucher about it. 

definitely not awesome kid