Rules of Awesomeness

Rule 34 - If you are ever offered to join a threesome…accept.  The only exception would be if they are skanky…wait…well maybe…ok…yes that one counts too.  Do it.  No exceptions.

Should two heterosexual males be involved as 66.6% of the participants there are a couple subsequent rules to follow:

• Rule 34.1 - Avoid prolonged eye contact at the other male’s genitalia.  You will have to engage some sort of visual engagement, but this should be reserved strictly for navigational and planning purposes only.

• Rule 34.2 - Absolutely, without exception, no touching of other’s junk. 

this....is awesome

Rule 33 - Before you walk into a room with people (bar, office conference room, interview, etc.) repeat this to yourself until you believe it to be true:  “I own this”.  Then walk in there…and own it.

you owned that meeting cause you are awesome

Rule 32 - If you believe you are full of most awesomeness…then you are.

Rule 31 - You and some friends are putting out the vibe when in walks a hottie that you all want to go hit on.  Who gets dibs?  Easy.  Whichever of you has not had sex for the longest has priority.  Should there be more than one friend that falls within the range of the absolute value of 30 days, then the winner shall be decided by best 3 out of 5 in a game of Roshambo (Rock, Paper, Scissors).  In the unfortunate event that original winner crashes and burns in attempted pickup, then repeat all steps again with remaining contestants.

Rule 30 - Turning 30 sucks.  The only people that say it doesn’t…already turned it and are making themselves feel better about it.  Don’t listen to them.  Friends don’t let friends turn 30 sober.  Get drunk.  Really drunk.  Then puke on someone you don’t know.  It’s funnier that way…for everyone else.   What do you care?  Your life is now over anyway.  Loser.

Just whatever happens...make sure your friend doesn't end up face first on top of a urinal cake. Srsly...do not eat the pink round thing.

Rule 29 - Asking out a friend’s sibling is strictly forbidden.  Only three conditions can overturn this rule and all three must be met in order for this to be allowed:

1.  You must ask friend in advance for permission.

2.  You have to eventually marry that person.

3.  You may not show any of your other friends pictures of that person naked and you can not share with them details about any sexual exploits.

damn she's hot...but she's my buddy's sister...decisions...decisions