Rules of Awesomeness

Rule 47 - Guys, when you are out on a date…open all doors…yes, this means to buildings, cars, etc.  Now don’t go pushing her out of the way to do it or anything like that, but if you plan your steps correctly in advance you can casually beat her to the door without making it look obvious.  The key is here is looking natural…like this is second nature to you…cause you rock the awesome.  Even a quick “here let me” will alert to them to your door opening prowess.  Combine this action with Rule 39 on bringing flowers on your date and you will be seriously rocking the date awesomeness.  Even if you completely tard up the rest of the date, or there is simply no chemistry, she will still tell her friends how much of a door opening gentlemen you were…and who knows…you may get hooked up with a friend.   Stay awesome my friends. 

This post was written by Chad Elkins.

Rule 42 - Farting on a date is pretty much always gonna be a big no-no, especially if you are out in public.  In certain public places if you have reached the point in your relationship where dropping the chalupa is acceptable then it can be quite funny…cause let’s face it…farts are funny stuff.  But if you have have not gotten to the dropping ass phase of your time spent together and you let one slip, then here are some options to play off the uncomfortable and embarassing situation:

1. Be proactive and ask the farter, “Maybe I should have pulled your finger first?”

2. Tell the smeller, “If we were in the bed I would totally have your head shoved under the covers right now.”

3. Butt blower states, “Damn good thing it was just air.”

4. Point at the farter telling them, “You’re freaking gross…but I like it.”

5. Tell the air attacker, “That’s not bad…judges are giving it a 6.5, but I think for sure it should have gotten an 8.”

6. Receiver of the air biscuit should try and guess what the person had for the previous meal.  Generally, a very strange and odd food combination.

7. Try and pass the blame onto an unsuspecting victim.  Pets, the elderly, and children are very easy targets for this backfire transfer.  The trick is to really sell it by saying something to the target about their nastiness. 

8. The bean bomber should immediately give the other person a high five proclaiming “that one was awesome!!!”.

9. If you are in the car, the easiest way to shift off the blowing of the butt trumpet is to just to say, “I think we just passed something dead on the road.”

10. Simply say “excuse me”…and chuckle a little…everyone thinks they are funny. 

The biggest mistake you can make is to show it bothers you and that you are embarassed.  Everyone poops…everyone farts…and everyone burps.  Try and make light of the situation and go on strolling down the path of the awesome.

This post was written by Chad Elkins.

Rule 29 - Asking out a friend’s sibling is strictly forbidden.  Only three conditions can overturn this rule and all three must be met in order for this to be allowed:

1.  You must ask friend in advance for permission.

2.  You have to eventually marry that person.

3.  You may not show any of your other friends pictures of that person naked and you can not share with them details about any sexual exploits.

damn she's hot...but she's my buddy's sister...decisions...decisions

Rule 7 - Going thru the motion of having to contact someone reinforces the desire for said contact and thus increases emotional attachment toward that person.  In other words, don’t always have the contact be one sided.  Let the other person reach out to you some.  Traditionally, the guys are always doing all the pursuing.  Ladies, it’s ok to become the chaser on occasion.  It takes some of the pressure off the dudes.  Give it a shot sometime. 

This post was written by Chad Elkins.